What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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