so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
he was CRYING into my vagina
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
