and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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