i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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