I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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