Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
whose parrot is this?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
