she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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