don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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