ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
