There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
