yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Acid is not a monday night drug
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
