So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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