did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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