It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
