Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
