why im i the only drunk person in the library?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
