Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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