I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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