he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
