I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
