I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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