Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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