new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
