Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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