**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize
