I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
