bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
