her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm bleeding and have questions
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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