I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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