Did you just see the Batmobile???
im holly from the hills drunk
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
