The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
