Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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