He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I cut my penus on the lid.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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