everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
