Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize