Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
