Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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