If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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