Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
