I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
