i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
