Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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