So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
