Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
