I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Randomize
