and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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