True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
