Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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