I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
