I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
