I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
