Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
