her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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