that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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