Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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