you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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