Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize