counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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