Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
