Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
