Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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