I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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