Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
