I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
