i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize